At the beginning of each year I have a few minutes with God; in this time, I thank him that the past year was not my last year alive. Or any member of my nuclear family. I don’t know how that came out, but I write it in the least selfish and least insensitive way possible….because I know that there are those who do not get to make it through the year.
Over the years, I have grown…and while at it, got to accept that death is something that MUST happen. That if we are going to cross over to the other side, to a side that we believe is full of all things beautiful, no pain and love overflowing, then death has to happen. I have lost friends, relatives and acquaintances….I have seen friends lose their dear ones; and as much as it is something you never get used to, as much as the shock hits with the same impact or even harder each time, I am learning to accept it.
So each year, at the beginning of it, I ask God that if it’s his will that that be THE year of my leaving, then may I be ready to meet him. May I have used all the chances he put in front of me to know him and accept him; may my soul not regret ever passing on a moment to live as Christ did…That when that time comes, may I not have a grudge against anyone, and that may I not miss the after-life of eternity with HIM simply because I did not forgive somebody for hurting me. May that time not find me in a moment of selfishness. After all, death makes no appointments; you don’t exactly say, hold up, I need to go make peace with someone first.
I also pray that if it’s his will that that be THE year of the demise of someone in my nuclear family, then may I be ready. May I not regret words I should have said but didn’t. May I not regret not celebrating ‘small’ achievements with them. May I not look back and wish I had been there when they needed me for something. May I not regret saying harsh things I should not have said. May I not feel like I didn’t love them enough. Or that I did not show it. That as much as I cannot prepare for THAT day, may I still be ready.
And no, I do not go through the year thinking about death or something like that….sometimes I even plan sooooooo far ahead without considering that fact that a lot can change the very next hour, minute or day. But I live my life in a way that I will somehow be ready.
That I will have LIVED, LOVED and definitely LAUGHED! 🙂
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
― Mark Twain
HAPPY NEW YEAR!