I hadn’t taken a break off work since May…..that might actually seem like a short while a go, but thing is when I took the May break, I needed to concentrate on some other things that were not exactly work-related. I needed to get them done. So as much as I was not at a desk or field, I was, in a way, working. That obviously meant, I did not rest.
Two weeks ago I decided I needed a real break. This became clear to me a week later when I tried to print out something at the office but could not remember my password….a code I had used pretty much since the year started. I absolutely couldn’t remember it. I remember standing over the machine for a good three minutes staring at the keypad…wondering what combination to punch in. I tried several and nothing worked. I moved from trying to remember to guessing to forging. And then I gave up and walked back to my desk. After a while I did remember it, and went back to print.
To me, this was the confirmation I needed that I had to take a break. If I couldn’t remember a code I’d used every day for the last eight months, how was I in position to make any other responsible decisions? I made my leave application and submitted it. Requesting for two weeks straight. Not to travel. Not to study. Not to event-plan. AND no, not to get married….as some people thought, smh. But to simply rest. That’s all I had on my mind when I submitted my application.
Three days into it and I can feel it. I feel different. I don’t feel tired. I hope I don’t look tired. I have picked up the book I put aside months ago…and I’m reading it again. My goal is to finish what’s left of it during this time. I have opened this
jem-forsaken blog (Ok, maybe that’s a bit harsh) and I have something for it….I haven’t felt like writing anything here for a long time. No time. No energy. No morale. But here I am, back at it. Happy to be back.
Yesterday, I told someone I might be a workaholic. Mainly because as much as I am away from the office, my email is activated on my phone and I am aware of just about everything that is going on. I check the emails as frequently as I do when at work, only that this time, it’s just for my information and not necessarily action. I did this deliberately because I don’t want to go back confused…and lost.
But even with this, I am glad I wake up to do nothing. Literally. And I am not worried about something going wrong…because I am doing nothing. Doing nothing and that not being a problem. I basically wake up, to sleep. Ok, and read my book…and eat.
It feels great. Taking a break from adult-ing for a while. Even if a short while. It does feel great.
Maya Angelou said,
Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.
I’m glad I have been able to give myself more than a day. 🙂